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about
This song was recorded during the summer of 2020 during the coronavirus. The chords were developed early on when I was just messing around, and I soon decided to put words to them. For a while, I had felt like God was hearing my prayers and simply choosing to ignore them and it left me lonely and frustrated. This song includes specific experiences when I felt most lonely and it challenges the idea that every second in a relationship with God is comforting and smooth.
lyrics
You watched me as I stood there sweaty and tired on the court
You watched me as I stood there watching my world walk out of those doors
I don't know where to place this blame
Because it's silence when I call out your name
You watch me, oh, you watch me
You see me through your window and then turn away from me
You watch me, oh, you watch me
A safe distance away from such a broken, such an ugly thing
You watched me as I stood there and forced myself to say hello
You watched me as I watched my brothers turn into people I don't know
You watch me as the burden of every single loss lands upon me
You watch me as I hide away my broken heart that still bleeds
Are these the results of the actions that I took
Are these enough to make you not give me a second look
You watch me, oh, you watch me
But you turn your back on the window like you don't want to see
You watch me, oh, you watch me
You stay six feet away because the sickness, the sickness is me
I get so angry at your silence yet they all say you are perfect
Are you numb, are you numb to my pain, to my pain
I take every blow that you hand out, and still, I'm not worth it
Tell me when will you stop watching and come and sit with me in the rain
You watched me as I stood there repeating every curse said to me
You watch me as I stand and knock on the door that's closed on me
You watch me, oh, you watch me
You're perfect and good, you do no wrong, you're the king
You watch me, oh, you watch me
Why is it so hard for you to want to be with me
credits
released September 2, 2020
Words by Anna Helms and Wade Baynham
Music by Anna Helms and Wade Baynham
Piano and vocals recorded by Anna Helms at her house
Other instruments and programming by Wade Baynham at the Second Story, Durham, NC
Mixed and mastered by Wade Baynham at the Second Story
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